farrah mindfuck

When I was at UC Berkeley, I knew I won’t kill myself yet. There’s so much more to experience. I realized that the environment can motivate me, I saw people with just boxers on, books about cannabis on the streets, girl with a purple hair, student alone with his laptop on the grass and it makes sense to me. Life is strange but interesting. I want to study with people the way I like, I want to meet people who don’t wear underwear, people who go sex with boys and girls, people who do drugs, people with satyriasis, people who masturbate in public, people who tried killing themselves, people who tried killing others, people who committed abortion, people with tits pierced and more. I want to learn something from them. I’m gonna make friends with people I like this time, people who care for non-material things. I’m going to St Mary’s next time, it’s got a different crowd, anyway I’m also applying there. UCSF is comparable to UC Berkeley, so there’s a lot of schools to choose from. I was reading a volume about the mind until 6 in the morning and it is really needing a lot of thinking, there is still a lot to learn, so I learned not to think about suicide and death anymore, I felt while I was walking towards the library that life can be how you want it to be if you’ll just make it. I just wish to be free from this mental instability, so that I can do what I really like.

I don’t know the strategy yet, need to work on it before the test, I just wish to get a score that’s acceptable to any of the universities.

But the weird thing is I think about killing myself after I finish school.

 

 

 

FOR NEW OBSESSIVES IN THE COMMUNITY

(Basics)

Name: Charmee
Age: 17
Location: SF

Number of Tattoos and Where? Soon on my right thigh

Body Piercing: Cartilage

Straight Edge? Yes, except for SSRIs and planning on an id drug

Top 11 Artists: LOSTPROPHETS, MCR, Hawthorne Heights, The Ataris, The Used, Interpol, Jimmy Eat World, Urbandub, Weezer, Ted Leo & The Pharmacists, Injected [fuck it]

(LostProphets)

Why do you like them? They’re really just known in UK.

What are your favourite LostProphets songs and why? Goodbye Tonight, A Million Miles and Lately because Ian’s voice is very distinct there and it reminds me of my girl-friend.
Your favourite line of a song? Glowing embers fly across

Who is your favourite band member and why? Ian Watkins because I think he’s bisexual and he’s Welsh.
How did you come to know LostProphets? My friend lent me her CD [which includes one of their songs] and then I thought it was therapeutic and it blended enough with my insanity, so I grabbed their album.
How long have you been a fan for? 4 months since I got insanely addicted.
Have you ever met the Prophets?  I met them in my dreams [grossly unethical]. Very soon when I go to Wales which is like a decade or so from now, so Ian’s 40 and the other band members are 45 by then and I’m 27 [still sane] I think.

 

I downloaded songs and it said it’s by them, it’s been my favorite only to find out they aren’t the ones who own it. Good thing, I read reviews and answers to others’ puzzled minds. Fuck. All this time, I thought it was them. I’m gonna delete it then.

 

I downloaded this song called "New Noise"...is it lostprophets?
NO. It’s by Refused and on their album called "The Shape of Punk to Come".

I downloaded this song called "Faithless"...is it lostprophets?
No. Yet another mis-titled song. It is in fact by a band called Injected.

 

Tell me this is joke and it’s not even funny. But it really sounds like Ian’s. How the fuck is that?! Shit. I feel lost.

After mania, suicidal ideation comes.

Raizza : i think its mainly because of having no faith, ur soul is lost..and being alone, when ur alone, u tend to think too much because u have nothing else to go.

farrahmindfck: exactly

farrahmindfck: and i'm also liking it because I have only myself to help me

"They do things differently when the situation comes again, in result, they do better and they learn from their mistakes based on the consequences of their actions."

Okay, I didn't sleep. How can I sleep with SATs in my mind? How can I possibly sense the strategy? How can possibly take the test without distractions in my mind? How can pass the university? How can I come up with an accceptable essay for 25 minutes? How can I live on my own now? How can I finish my studies in the shortest time? How can I teach my mind to be stable? How can I make myself contented? How can I get all the questions right? How can I familiarize myself with the test? How can I stop my mind? How can I get everything I want? How can I get a perfect education? How can I have a perfect life? I won't be able to sleep until I finish answering.all these questions.

My SAT is moved. PUTANGINA. After school then review center for 3 months. I have to maximize my time or I'll be dead.

You are an Intrapersonal thinker
		Intrapersonal thinkers: Spend a lot of time thinking about and trying to understand themselves Reflect on their thoughts and moods, and work to improve them You understand how your behaviour affects your relationships with others
Like intrapersonal thinkers, Leonardo worked hard to improve all aspects of himself.		Other Intrapersonal thinkers include Sigmund Freud, Gandhi, Grahame Greene Careers which suit Intrapersonal Thinkers include Psychologist, Teacher, Pilot, Child care worker, Explorer, Drama therapist

 

 

I never knew KERRANG! would be that orgasmic. So grossly unethical.

And I want to go to school and learn.

To all depressives, take vitamin B-12. It's helping my mind. Like now, it's 3 AM and I want to go to school.

Berkeley Rule # 1: Don't Eat Brownies.

I know I won't do that because I'm into it.

I just finished Prozac Nation and I wanted to take Prozac after. I am so in favor of drugs right now.

I like Psychiatry now because Psychology doesn't approve it. It would take me YEARS to finish my studies if that's the case.

I am so into drugs right now and I just believe in it. I feel like sharing it with a depressive. Just the thought of taking it makes me feel I'm okay because it's fun though.

Except for drowsiness and blurred-vision. So funny to feel that you're gonna die already.

But I changed and made up my mind already. I really want Psychology but I really want the drugs. I like Psychology more than Psychiatry but I want it with drugs involved.

Drugs are what people like me need. Really.

 

 

 

Nip/Tuck's taken my mind time to shut off.

Certainty.

I am for Science over.

Science isn't superficial.

Science isn't metaphor.

Science rules my psyche.